Quit Your BM, and P

It occurred to me many times over the past month that I had not blogged. (I didn't know it had been this long!) I thought of many things to write about, and many things on which to opine - but I never did. I'm not sure why completely, but I know one good reason...I didn't want to write another huge rant about the country, politics, or even current issues. I have grown weary of them. And yet, I continued to obsess over them. That is a real problem for me. If something, anything gets into my head, I can't flush it out quick enough. It sticks around for far too long. Presumably, one of the many reasons I blog, right? But I couldn't do it these past weeks. I couldn't continue to rant & rave, though I had much to go on and on about. I mean the election, the economy, job worries, the economy, energy crisis, the economy, bogus climate change, the economy...and oh did I mention, the economy (you know, the part of our world that is in a difficult time, but not Depression-era times or even Carter-era times despite the pundits). Anyway, I just decided I didn't want to write about those depressing & trying topics again.

And yet...I couldn't shake it. I was obsessed. I read the newspapers, watched the news (a pastime I normally hate), listened to political talk radio, and generally became either angry or sad or just plain frustrated. But then a little Voice began to talk to me. Typical. After awhile with any topic, that Voice tends to creep up and speak the real Truth I need to hear. This time it was a weird and still familiar message: Quit your BM and P.

I know, I know: does Father really talk to you like that? With a potty mouth? (oooohhh...funny pun alert!) Why yes, in fact, He does. Often. Gets to the point with me - very quickly - just depends on if I am listening. And I heard it loud and clear. But to those not initiated to my strange inter-dialogue (who is but me?), here's the translation:

"Quit your bitchin' & moanin' Ryan, and pray."

Uggghhh. I wish I hadn't been listening. I have heard this one before and I don't really like it. Not because I don't value prayer; not because I don't believe in prayer; not even that I am so consumed with life & issues that I never think to pray. The truth is I do believe it is essential & effective, and I even dialogue with Father often, conversationally. But to actually make time for private prayer, closet prayer - I have never been good at it. I have never been truly disciplined or consistent with it. I can count mere months out of my life where I was pretty darn consistent, but it always faded. And I don't like that at all. I hate failure. With all of my being. You see to me, if I don't stick to it "all of my days", if I don't give it my all, then it isn't right. And if it isn't right, then it isn't perfect. And if it isn't perfect, well then I lose my cool.

Aspects of prayer have always stuck in my crawl. I can't logically justify petitionary prayers to Father who already knows all and sees all. I love the idea of contemplative prayer, meditation, adoration, exultation, and of course conversation. But, asking for things or about things...it bothers me. No, it isn't because I think so little of myself or the act. I know better - Jesus commanded it - and, I am not so thick. It's something else. Philosophical. But I am getting older and I have learned my lessons well. I embrace mystery so much better now that I am older and dumber. Philosophy takes up less of my time. I realize I don't have to know it all. I just need to do and listen. I think that is all prayer (life with God for that matter) really requires in the end.

And I know why Father says it to me when I am on a rampage of paying too much attention. He knows what's best for me. He knows that I have to release the inner turmoil. He knows I need to cry out to someone, and the best Someone is Him. He knows that I must let go or pay the price. My mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual short-circuit-overload is His concern. And of course, He knows above all else, that He is what I need. And prayer is the avenue to Presence. It is the way to be in dependence, not independence.

And that is what the "P" He is prescribing really is: "Stop complaining and moaning and crying and obsessing and being smitten with the grief of the world. Lay down and be enveloped in Me. Tell Me your fears. Ask Me for your needs and even your wants. Shout out your complaints and your anger. I know the beginning and the end. Heck, I AM the Beginning & the End. Simply stop your mind and rest it upon Me. That's what prayer is Son: Dependence. Taking advantage of our re-established line of communication."

So I am listening, Father. I am trying. The drugs of politics, issues, and mayhem are wearing off. My rehab has begun. I have sworn off Drudge, Rush, and Bloomberg. I am trying to diligently take Your prescription. Just be patient with me...I am desperately clinging to mystery instead of an overloaded need for human reason. It's a balance, and I am searching.

And wouldn't you know it, in that searching, it is treasures that I find. Exhibit A, the monk painting above (Monk in Prayer, Edouard Manet): fortuitous, odd, and random. I simply discovered it on a google search; but you know what, I think Father let me find it. He at least gave me the thought of what it means to little ole me. The monk sees the world. He has it right in front of his face. He is not hiding his head in the sand and avoiding the truth (no one should pull an ostrich-pose). He sees life & death and it confronts him face to face, skull to skull. But, instead of obsessing or intricately studying it's imperfections or complex chemistry, this man of the robe turns his face toward heaven. He opens his hands to the One who made it all. He knows where his foundation lies. And he responds to Him not the troubles of his life. I don't know what he is saying. I don't know the man, or the French painter for that matter. But I know what is okay to say to Father in prayer: anything. Just say it. Say anything. Let loose. Father is here, and you are here. Cast your cares of the world & life upon Him. Just let loose and know. Find your freedom through your dependence.

Partake of His Mysteries often,
often as you can, for in Them you find
your sole, entire remedy...
Jesus has not
impressed this hunger in your heart for nothing.
- St. Therese of Lisieux

It is the prayer of agony which saves the world.
- St. Mary of Jesus

To clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world.
- Karl Barth

True, whole prayer is nothing but love.
- St. Augustine

Loss For Words

Sorry to all of you that I haven't blogged in a while. Not that you care. :)

I have been overwhelmed by a ton of travel and work recently. (My big, long break is coming though, and this page may be updated a ton very soon.) Plus, I am desperately trying not to do another political blog. It is unbelievable what I, and all of you, are witnessing in this election season. It could indeed be monumental in the history of our storied nation. I have talked about this idiocy every single day with my clients, which has never happened before - a solitary topic has captivated every account everywhere, Midwest & New England. Encouragement is my duty right now it seems. Everyone is scared, distraught, angry, and discouraged. And, frankly, I want so badly to let loose more of my vitriol onto this blog, but I have done enough of that lately. Couple that with what I am reading right now - Shirer's The Rise & Fall Of The Third Reich - the similarities & trends that I am observing are disturbing, spooky, and down right terrifying. Not exactly the same by any means, but eerily similar. I guess I'll have to leave it up to the rest of my fellow countrymen next week. That idea scares the crap out of me, too...but it is all we have. And of course prayer. Mercy or judgment...it is coming.

Anyway, thought I would say hello.
Keep your heads up...it ain't over till it's over...and it ain't over.

PSA - Keep your TV's on OFF tomorrow night from 7-8PM (CST). Don't support this absolute travesty and abuse of power & money. Oh, and I hope it all backfires. And as for Obamapalooza in Chi-Town...my daddy taught me not to gloat until the game was over, until the chickens hatched, until the trophy was in the Yankees' hands. I guess they don't teach that truth in Kenya.

Still Relevant, Still Truth

I heard this quote the other day. It is amazing and so applicable, I thought I would share. Please remind anyone you know this is true. I am not overstating it, we are in serious times, and time is running out. We are on the precipice of losing our capitalism, our way of life, and our country. That means everything you hold dear, from security to freedom of speech to freedom of faith to health care choice to job choice, dies next.


"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"
President Ronald Reagan


hello? hello? hello? hello? hello!

It Used To Matter

I remember a time, not so long ago, that this statement had some credibility - it had some meaning, some truth.

"A man is known by the company he keeps."

A man's relations, friends, and supporters are all that we can see to judge his character - and if not his character, at least his ability to judge others' character and make proper decisions.

People, Americans, anyone with an intellect - WAKE UP !!!!!

Barry Obama & Jeremiah Wright
Barry Obama & Odinga
Barry Obama & Bill Ayers
Barry Obama & Jeremiah Wright (again!)
Barry Obama & Antoin Rezko
Barry Obama & ACORN


These are just from a little guy from Missouri doing a little internet digging. All original source, nearly all from mainstream media (incl. ABC, CNN & MSNBC). It's all there, you just have to look & listen.

You just have to consider if a man's associates & judgment of character truly matter when he is applying for the most powerful job in the world.

"A MAN IS KNOWN BY THE COMPANY HE KEEPS."

The Source

My stomach is reeling after a week of obsessively watching election coverage. I can't believe what is happening before our very eyes. Most people are worried about their money - about the stock exchanges complete plummet and abysmal credit situations. But, I am not worried about that. I find myself comfortable with economic woes as I know it will get better. This is the nature of a capitalistic system: ups and downs, losses and gains. It's natural, normal, and corrective. But, the scary aspect now - it seems the solutions being used by our government and endorsed by our majority public are socialistic in nature. Bailouts & more entitlements: we haven't learned. We don't want anyone, no matter how guilty they are, to pay for their mistakes and irresponsibility. I say let them fail, let them hang in their self-created noose (yes, even the general public), because sometimes punishment & consequences are the only real way we learn our lessons well. Been there. See, I'm not worried about the economics because I am responsible, and most of those I love are as well. We will lose for awhile, but soon we will be just fine.

My biggest worry, as you can tell from my last post, is the seismic shift I see in our governmental (& economic) philosophy. We are kissing capitalism goodbye; we are dismissing the idea of government by the people for the people and welcoming government by government for government's sake; and we are scorning our principles of liberty & freedom. Our pursuit of happiness is being replaced with the guarantee of goodies for all, at what cost? You earn what you have in this world - it is not handed to you by the all-powerful government. In part, we used to believe in effort because it weeded out the bad and encouraged the good. We also passionately defended the effort, the pursuit in order to secure an individualism, not a government figure. You see, the result of the government growing and expanding and guaranteeing is simple - rule by the government. And when that bloated government has a leader that finally decides he's had enough of his constraints, what little are left, well then he takes over. The government becomes all-encompassing, all-powerful, all-judging, and it deems the reality of our lives. This is why I contend socialism always leads to communism/fascism. They will expand now, and take over later. It seems equal and beautiful and fair in the beginning. But in the end, the historic record shows it always leads to misery.

So that is the heavy burden on my head, and many others. The junk that I can't get over at night when I lay down to sleep. My anxiety is a constant battle, and these types of situations sure don't help. But this week I have been confronted by the still, small Voice within. It has been whispering in the night, and ending the sentences of complaint during the day. It goes something like this lately:

Who is your Source? Who is your Provision? From whence does your Freedom come? Your concern is valid and your fight is noble, but do not forget your Bedrock. Do not lose site of your Battlements. Remember your High Tower and your Fortress. He sustains. He protects. He makes the worries of the world fall away by the breeze of Hope. He secures you in an embrace of Freedom. He is the Grace of each day and evermore. He is the King of the universe, everlasting, not just lifetime-long. The Sacrifice of the Son is the purchase of our Freedom. Remember your Source. Father is your Source.

Well okay then. I see how it goes. I can process that resolution. I can comprehend that idea. I can even believe it from an intellectual perspective. But the question is do I truly believe it? Does it really resonate into my very being, you know the stuff that is eternity-bound?

Frankly, I'm not sure. All I know is that I am working on it. I am pounding it in my stupid little head, and I am repeating it for perfection. I'm working out yet another part of my salvation. And the work is not easy in this world we call home. It's not really even that fun. But it is fundamental. And, when it sinks in just a wee bit - it is perspective shifting, hope-inducing, life-altering stuff.

So if the headlines are getting you down; if the news doesn't bother you but the minor tragedies of your everyday life do; if the world is crouching at your back to pounce; or if you are simply tired of the walk, take this as a reminder, (God knows I need it often):

He is the Source. Rely on the Source. Depend on the Source. There is no independence from the Source that doesn't result in death. Delve in to Him. Settle in and relax; there is nothing without a source, and Father is the Origin of us all & the Provider of the fabric of life. If the Source is for you & loves you, what can come against you and prevail? Nothing. Take heart & bear down in the Fortress of His Love & Resolve. Revel in the Source. Hope in the Source. Be still and know...the Source.

POST SCRIPT: Interesting how it all works sometimes. I wrote the above yesterday, and this morning, this is the music I was welcomed with at New Life, "Rescue Me" by Jared Anderson:
You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You
Hmmm...interesting & compelling. Thanks for the nod up there.

Left, Left, Down, Down, Start Select, Start Select

Do any of you remember a little code similar to the above? For those who didn't graduate some time in the 90's or didn't have a kid with a Nintendo, this was a portion of a cheat code. It was for a military sci-fi game called Contra. If you entered this code before a certain point in the beginning of the game, you received endless lives - you could endlessly die and come back to defeat the game. It was a fun way to play and beat the game, which was quite difficult otherwise.

But as I said, the above is similar to that code - not that code. Instead, what I have written above is another code that I see playing out today in our nation. Left Left = Down Down. The Left is winning lately in this country, and we are all starting to feel the effects. And if it continues, our economy and our national stability is going to go Down, Down.

I normally don't comment on politics, and I have tried for several years after college to kind of just blow off the whole political mess and pay them no mind. But I can't handle it any longer. My blood pressure and headaches won't allow it. I have to get it off my chest. The lies are so deep and wide and the media collusion is so disgusting, my conscience will not allow it any further. I only wish more could read this and understand the far reaching dangers that are at our doorstep.

First, the recent failings of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are regrettable, but predictable. They were developed by a socialist policy to give everyone in America the ability to own a home. That sounds wonderful in principle, but in reality, that should never happen. Homes and the ability to purchase homes are earned. They are not given just because you are an American or a minority or poor. All can buy a home if they can afford it. But, Fannie & Freddie had an opposing outlook. They looked to give loans to all people, even 100% loans. Ridiculous. This is financial suicide in the long haul, and we are seeing it now. The number one principle of all financial lending practices is simple - only lend money to people who are able and willing to pay back their loan with interest. Fannie & Freddie, supported most vociferously by the Democrats of the 90's and special interest groups such as the Black Caucus, did not do this. They looked to give as many loans as possible; they looked to give loans to people who could never reasonably pay these loans back; and, they looked to line the pockets of their executives and congressional supporters. Fannie & Freddie are organizations that had no business operating in the manner they did. But now, that operation is reeking havoc on the US economy & the Presidential campaign.

Next, the lies of the Left Democrats are disgusting and highly damaging. The Democrats (Dodd, Franks, Palosi, OBAMA, etc.) are blaming everything on the Republicans and Bush when this is all their doing. In 2004, Franks & Dodd, along with several other Congressional Dems were faced with financial research that Fannie & Freddie were headed for doom, and they openly & on the record declared both organizations to be sound and safe. While this happened, several other Congressional Republicans were warning of the impending doom on the horizon and asking for intervention to no avail. Despite any rumblings, nothing was done. The concern continued, and in 2005, one Senator John McCain tried to introduce legislation to monitor and limit Fanny & Freddy. He was shot down by the Democrats who continued to support Fannie & Freddie and who were continually supported by Fannie & Freddie. Yes, you heard me right - Fanny & Freddy made MILLIONS of dollars worth of campaign contributions to people like Franks, Dodd, and oh yes, Barack Obama throughout all of their years of ignorant, rampant financial dealings. (PS - The executives of Freddie & Fannie are now lead economic advisers on Obama's campaign - nice choices, Barack.) This mess could have been prevented years ago, but instead it was perpetuated by fools who were in the back-pockets - the Left Democrats. Thanks a lot.

Lastly, the Republicans haven't defended themselves and they can't in the mainstream media. The media will not allow it. What has happened here? Has real journalism died in 2008? The 24-hour news channels have already destroyed American intelligence with their fear-mongering, and now they can't even report the facts correctly. The Republicans aren't saying too much as they can't afford to anger the Dems in the Congress and cost any passing of a bill to alleviate the problems (which they would be lambasted for). Plus, McCain doesn't want to look like the blame-gamer that Obama looks to be. He is above that and he always puts the betterment of his country first. The problem with being honorable is that the Left are not. They are playing dirty politics, communist politics, where they personally attack in order to destroy credibility. And, unfortunately, due to an ignorant, apathetic public, it is working. Obama's polls are amazingly rising. HE WAS PART OF THE REASON FOR THIS FAILURE. HIS PARTY CAUSED IT. WAKE UP people. And Republicans, stand-up & shout it. As President Reagan said often: BE BOLD!! We can't afford mousy do-nothings any longer.

All in all, this entire situation is endemic to the biggest problem in America today: socialism/communism/fascism. We are in trouble as this destructive and ultimately fatal philosophy (to see the fatality, think of the recent evil empire of the world - Stalin & the Communists; Hitler & the Socialists) of economics and government threatens to change the entire fabric of our nation. I have never seen a Presidential candidate as Left and socialistic in our history as Obama, except for maybe FDR. It is scary and it is dangerous, and it is sneakily about to change the nation. Socialism/fascism/communism (all the same and only presented as different by people trying to hide the facts) has been percolating in America since the 1940's. It came to some power in the era of FDR's New Deal (look at welfare, income tax, public works programs), furthered by the Great Society of LBJ, and deepened even further by the Left policies of the Clinton years Congress. It has sneaked into the culture through supposed national compassion efforts (Fannie & Freddie part of that), through extra regulation on corporations (our economic lifeblood), the highest corporate taxes in the entire world (which stifles economic growth), and through guilt. Guilt rules our day. Guilt about the environment (ridiculous trumped up pseudo-science); guilt about race (political correctness); guilt about our wealth & comfort (we need to "spread the wealth" & universalize health care); guilt for criminals & irresponsible gun use (more gun control needed). The list of our supposed guilts are so numerous I can't even begin to list them. Basically, we are in danger of becoming a socialist nation and the Left are the cause. I am scared - for real.

Sorry to bring up politics. Sorry to go on for so long. But here it is in a nutshell - WAKE UP AMERICA. Before it is too late. The Nazis are coming (remember, they started as nothing more than a socialist political party). The Russian Communists are coming in the form of Left Liberal Democrats, who lie and control the stories with their back-pocket media. WAKE UP.

The picture is clear. The code above is fact. The guilty side is self-evident with a little investigation and thought. The message I have said now is not even complete. I could go on forever and forever on this topic. I could point out so many things about the dangerous political/social/economic times we live in. But suffice it to say, the answer is clear - we must return to our core values of freedom, capitalism, free market, and liberty or we are all in danger of a new world order in these United States.

The MUST SEE footage that the media is not showing you:
Democrats & Republicans duking it out in 2004 over Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac
(Dems deny the problem, the Republicans demand regulation; Chris Sheays is great from CT)

Great montage explanation of the Housing Crisis in America
(Ignore the beginning of above video about music)

For some great, informative reading:
Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg
"Capitalism's Extinction Events" by Philip Terzian
Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less by Newt Gingrich
48 Liberal Lies About American History (That You Probably Learned In School) by Larry Schweikart
Patriotic Grace by Peggy Noonan

The Space Between

Sometimes, events happen all at once, and they hit you in the face and remind you about life. Last month was one of those punches to the jaw. And my jaw of late has been glass.

Earlier in August there was an important date that passed and I did not comment on it. I should have, but frankly, I didn't feel the desire. I didn't feel like it, but I am disappointed in myself. That date, the eighteenth, as many of you may have guessed was the one year anniversary of Dan's passing. Dan Feather, my best friend and brother of another mother. One year ago...very strange how time passes. And how much time heals, and yet, not so much. I still miss him, I still feel pain for his family at every passing thought of them, and I still feel that Father has given me a great comfort & peace regarding him. And yet, I still miss his company - greatly.

Another event took place this year around that same day, and it was another tragedy. Ashley's & my campus pastor from college, Joe Zickafoose, died at the young age of 50 from aggressive bone marrow cancer. He left behind a wife and two boys, 14 & 16. My heart was exploding with the pain for those boys; and, although the funeral was a wonderful celebration of Joe's life and impact, it still took my breath away. It still made me wish I had known him more. It made me regret never putting myself out there to develop a relationship with Joe. My loss - he was a man worth knowing deeper.

And still another moment happened this past August. My parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. This was a happy celebration, an amazing feat, and a proud moment for them and for me. It is a reminder of love and of it's importance and longevity. My parents have seen a lot of stuff in their day from happiness and tragedy, but they have stayed together through it all. Thick & thin.

So two tragic reminders of life's frailty, and one reminder of love & beauty. That's what was on my plate at the end of the month. And, not surprising at all, it began to wear at my feeble mind. The grief wore me down and the joy was somehow flip-flopped into a sorrow, as I realized that my parents were getting older. Life keeps moving, and I had a few more than subtle reminders.
So with the stress & anxiety percolating in my mind, I talked with a friend (WK) and he had an interesting thought. My friend planted the seed of an idea, but now I have taken it further.

Separation. Separation anxiety is some of what I was feeling. Maybe even all of it. But separation is nothing new for me. In fact, it is nothing new for us all. For that, is exactly what life is - separation. We are born by cell separation. We are separated from our mothers at birth. We grow up and leave our parents altogether, putting miles between us. We go to work and separate ourselves from our family, and we leave work and put space between our business relationships, even our friends. When we have kids, they grow up slowly & quickly, and the process is all about separation. And, in the end, we all die - separating the spirit & soul from the body, leaving this earth and everyone we knew behind, ending our relationship with the only reality we thought we understood. And that is what I fear. I fear that I will be separated from everything dear to me, like Dan, like Joe. I know that time keeps its steady march, and that I will be separated from even more loved ones, my parents being part of that group. I know all of these finite times will die away, and my knowledge haunts me. It puts me in a box of fear. The fear ties me up with worry. The worry can make me physically ill. But that is not how it is normally dealt with by people - it is usually ignored. I am not saying my obsession with separation is healthy - quite the contrary. But it is imperative that we understand separation is real and an ever-present fact of life. And it is not always punctual or polite. It strikes when all is well, and it hits when all is wrong.

But as I thought through this separation - I have thought about another physical principle of the universe, even the linguistic implications of the word. Separation implies a once coming-together, a joining. For two bodies to be separated, they must have once been together. And it is that together that creates the dichotomy of life. Togetherness is the other side of this coin.
To be born, our parents must come together. A sperm & egg must link. A mother & her child must link via the umbilical cord. For the separation of kids & their parents through the normal channel of life, they must come together in love & relationship. Finding the love of your life is the great coming together. And out of that love, often a new life is even born. Then, when that life comes to be in your home, you can't help but build an everlasting bond of love with them. And even in the end of this life, when separation is the focus, there is a reminder of togetherness - for if you had never been a part of this reality, leaving it would not have mattered. Together is the reciprocal of separation - or vise versa, maybe better put.

As always though, both of these principles have their beginning in one single Truth - the most important aspect of our being - our relationship with Father. Creation was about togetherness - we with Him. The creation of woman from man had separation in part, but a coming together of the purest human love in the end. The Fall was definite separation, but the promise of Abraham brought man back together with His Creator, although in a limited capacity. I won't trifle with all of the details as I am already too long-winded for most of you, but in the end came One who separated Himself from Father, so that His sacrifice, death & resurrection (separation & togetherness), could bring us fully together with Abba Father once more. Like it's supposed to be. And that's the Truth of it all - ultimate togetherness. Communion is restored.

Yet despite knowing that fact and even rejoicing in that truth, it is a struggle for us all (most principally me) to deal with separation and to live in real communion. It's our greatest task in life, maybe even the crux of life. We must learn to live with the gaps and try to grow in the relationships we have. That includes man to man relationships and Father to child relationships. That's what it is truly all about. But it is hard, and it sucks, and sometimes it seems the absence of another or the space between is far too wide, forever long. The space between appears insurmountable. It appears the space between is the only place we exist - completely separate.

However, that is not true. I can't believe I, of all people, am saying this, but it is my foothold on this slippery slope. No - total separation is not true. For because where there is separation there is togetherness. And where there is a beginning, there is an end. And guess what? I know, deep in my soul, that end equals togetherness. Communion. Love. When the space between seems infinitely wide, uncrossable, remember that fact. We will be together again. Take it to the bank. The space between will disappear into the embrace of together.