The Space Between

Sometimes, events happen all at once, and they hit you in the face and remind you about life. Last month was one of those punches to the jaw. And my jaw of late has been glass.

Earlier in August there was an important date that passed and I did not comment on it. I should have, but frankly, I didn't feel the desire. I didn't feel like it, but I am disappointed in myself. That date, the eighteenth, as many of you may have guessed was the one year anniversary of Dan's passing. Dan Feather, my best friend and brother of another mother. One year ago...very strange how time passes. And how much time heals, and yet, not so much. I still miss him, I still feel pain for his family at every passing thought of them, and I still feel that Father has given me a great comfort & peace regarding him. And yet, I still miss his company - greatly.

Another event took place this year around that same day, and it was another tragedy. Ashley's & my campus pastor from college, Joe Zickafoose, died at the young age of 50 from aggressive bone marrow cancer. He left behind a wife and two boys, 14 & 16. My heart was exploding with the pain for those boys; and, although the funeral was a wonderful celebration of Joe's life and impact, it still took my breath away. It still made me wish I had known him more. It made me regret never putting myself out there to develop a relationship with Joe. My loss - he was a man worth knowing deeper.

And still another moment happened this past August. My parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. This was a happy celebration, an amazing feat, and a proud moment for them and for me. It is a reminder of love and of it's importance and longevity. My parents have seen a lot of stuff in their day from happiness and tragedy, but they have stayed together through it all. Thick & thin.

So two tragic reminders of life's frailty, and one reminder of love & beauty. That's what was on my plate at the end of the month. And, not surprising at all, it began to wear at my feeble mind. The grief wore me down and the joy was somehow flip-flopped into a sorrow, as I realized that my parents were getting older. Life keeps moving, and I had a few more than subtle reminders.
So with the stress & anxiety percolating in my mind, I talked with a friend (WK) and he had an interesting thought. My friend planted the seed of an idea, but now I have taken it further.

Separation. Separation anxiety is some of what I was feeling. Maybe even all of it. But separation is nothing new for me. In fact, it is nothing new for us all. For that, is exactly what life is - separation. We are born by cell separation. We are separated from our mothers at birth. We grow up and leave our parents altogether, putting miles between us. We go to work and separate ourselves from our family, and we leave work and put space between our business relationships, even our friends. When we have kids, they grow up slowly & quickly, and the process is all about separation. And, in the end, we all die - separating the spirit & soul from the body, leaving this earth and everyone we knew behind, ending our relationship with the only reality we thought we understood. And that is what I fear. I fear that I will be separated from everything dear to me, like Dan, like Joe. I know that time keeps its steady march, and that I will be separated from even more loved ones, my parents being part of that group. I know all of these finite times will die away, and my knowledge haunts me. It puts me in a box of fear. The fear ties me up with worry. The worry can make me physically ill. But that is not how it is normally dealt with by people - it is usually ignored. I am not saying my obsession with separation is healthy - quite the contrary. But it is imperative that we understand separation is real and an ever-present fact of life. And it is not always punctual or polite. It strikes when all is well, and it hits when all is wrong.

But as I thought through this separation - I have thought about another physical principle of the universe, even the linguistic implications of the word. Separation implies a once coming-together, a joining. For two bodies to be separated, they must have once been together. And it is that together that creates the dichotomy of life. Togetherness is the other side of this coin.
To be born, our parents must come together. A sperm & egg must link. A mother & her child must link via the umbilical cord. For the separation of kids & their parents through the normal channel of life, they must come together in love & relationship. Finding the love of your life is the great coming together. And out of that love, often a new life is even born. Then, when that life comes to be in your home, you can't help but build an everlasting bond of love with them. And even in the end of this life, when separation is the focus, there is a reminder of togetherness - for if you had never been a part of this reality, leaving it would not have mattered. Together is the reciprocal of separation - or vise versa, maybe better put.

As always though, both of these principles have their beginning in one single Truth - the most important aspect of our being - our relationship with Father. Creation was about togetherness - we with Him. The creation of woman from man had separation in part, but a coming together of the purest human love in the end. The Fall was definite separation, but the promise of Abraham brought man back together with His Creator, although in a limited capacity. I won't trifle with all of the details as I am already too long-winded for most of you, but in the end came One who separated Himself from Father, so that His sacrifice, death & resurrection (separation & togetherness), could bring us fully together with Abba Father once more. Like it's supposed to be. And that's the Truth of it all - ultimate togetherness. Communion is restored.

Yet despite knowing that fact and even rejoicing in that truth, it is a struggle for us all (most principally me) to deal with separation and to live in real communion. It's our greatest task in life, maybe even the crux of life. We must learn to live with the gaps and try to grow in the relationships we have. That includes man to man relationships and Father to child relationships. That's what it is truly all about. But it is hard, and it sucks, and sometimes it seems the absence of another or the space between is far too wide, forever long. The space between appears insurmountable. It appears the space between is the only place we exist - completely separate.

However, that is not true. I can't believe I, of all people, am saying this, but it is my foothold on this slippery slope. No - total separation is not true. For because where there is separation there is togetherness. And where there is a beginning, there is an end. And guess what? I know, deep in my soul, that end equals togetherness. Communion. Love. When the space between seems infinitely wide, uncrossable, remember that fact. We will be together again. Take it to the bank. The space between will disappear into the embrace of together.