One Full Life

About a month ago, April 14th to be exact, my 84 year old Granny left this earth for home. I had the privilege of being asked to honor her memory with an eulogy at the graveside. I thought I would share what I said as a way of catharsis for me and in honor again of her.

For those of you who knew her and loved her, hopefully this will resonate. For those of you who did not know her, hopefully this will give a brief portrait of her life. It is good to share those you love with the others you love.

ONE FULL LIFE
Dorotha Deene (Brown) Packer
Our Mom, Granny, Granny Great, Dot

It isn’t easy to stand here today, to stand here and speak about my Granny, to speak about her and know that she is no longer here with us. It is not easy to look at all of these faces of family and friends, many of whom knew Granny better than I did, had a longer history with her, spent day in and day out with her as Mom, or even knew her as Dorotha, a friend and confidant, not just as a family member. I am not sure I am really the best to do the speaking or if Granny would even want me to do it. But here I am…

“It’s not easy” is really a phrase that could be used to describe much of Granny’s life (honestly, most of our lives). Born into a time of great turmoil, a child of the Depression in many ways, Granny saw a life of toughness and difficulty early on. Her father and mother, Carl & Lou, struggled to make ends meet and did whatever it took to keep the family going and to keep it together. Digging ditches & graves, working multiples jobs and saving everything they could muster was not only common for the Brown Family but for nearly every family in this great generation. But they had each other through think & thin. Granny and her only sibling & older brother Carl, Jr., were close and I am sure it was so tough for her to see him go into the service for WWII. Then it wasn’t easy for Granny to suffer the loss of her life, her beloved mother, Granny only 16 years young and devastated for life. But, Granny persevered while her dad remarried to a family friend Ruth, and Junior returned from the war alive. Again, it wasn’t an easy life but they had each other and they made it work.

Then at the age of 19, Granny fell in love with a childhood friend, a boy, and yes I mean a boy, 17 to be exact, who stole her heart. Or maybe better put, she stole his heart because his was just so big. John B. Packer came onto the scene of Dorotha’s life and they were happily wed on August 20th, 1945 in Columbus, KS. Granddad, Dad, Pop, Johnny as we all know him differently and just the same, was a gigantic-softhearted, small statured military man, a young military man who had faked his age to get in the service and faked it once again so that he could marry his beautiful bride. Granny & Granddad started a life together then that could also be classified as “not easy”, but it was a long love affair with many ups & downs, many twists & turns, and most importantly a whole lot of unwavering support & love along the way. They lived all over the country due to Granddad’s military commission, from California to Seattle to Virginia to Camp Crowder and eventually Webb City. And along those travels much happened and much occurred, but one thing was constant, they loved each other through thick and thin.

Oh, and also along the way, Granny & Granddad started building a family. First, came the firstborn – naturally – Loudeene. She was their beautiful daughter who shared their hearts with no one for awhile, who helped hold down the fort with Granny while Granddad was overseas, and who walked the longest with them on this journey, sometimes even acting as a second mom to the others. This, by the way, was truly Granny & Granddad’s gift − having daughters − because in what probably felt like a few short years, they next brought Debbi into the world. Debbi was a hand full of energy, often running the neighborhood naked as a baby, and quick & independent from the start. Then, Gail came into their lives. She was an outwardly shy one who could steal your heart with her smile and played mischievously even from the beginning of her life. And while Granddad pined away for a little boy, they were surprised with their youngest, Johnna (my mom), finally named after Granddad because he & Gran knew that having girls was all they did. She was definitely the baby of the family, a beautiful baby of golden curls, a smart girl with deep compassion and an iron will of her own. And these girls, all four of them, through different eras, in different ways, and on different levels became the focus of Granny & Granddad’s life. And, it wasn’t easy…have you ever met these four sisters or spent a long night with them together, Dr. Pepper as their fuel? Trust me, it isn’t easy though it is often very funny. Then again, when is family life and raising kids while striving to stay true and strong for one another ever “easy”?

Through all of this life with Granddad & the girls, Granny was not only making a life as a wife and a mom, but she was also continuing to express herself as Dorotha. She was a tough and steadfast woman, and she was awfully creative as well. She constantly created, sewing dresses for the girls and herself, selling and painting with Artex for years, writing short stories and poems, and eventually baking & decorating cakes. The cake creating became a business, as she ran Cakes By Dorotha out of their home for years. Granny was also what you might call a wee bit competitive. She loved playing games and even a few sports. Gran played softball, bowled regularly, and played so many games and card games, no one on earth could record the hours she spent generally beating the pants off of Granddad, her girls, and their friends. Granny was full of life in these areas of creation & competition, and her life was full because of them.

Another part of life that changed was the introduction of grandkids…yea!! First came Misty via Debbi, a little girl that would later in life become one of Granny’s closet friends and confidants, in some ways a mirror of Granny, a woman that Granny really and truly loved & respected, and who with beloved husband Jeff gifted Granny with her first great-grandchildren, Michael & Page, christening a new title for Gran, Granny Great. Then came Brandy, via Loudeene − apparently the “girls only” motto was contagious even with the daughters − another little girl who Granny constantly bragged about, consistently declared as so beautiful and smart, who’s talents Granny took great pride in, and who she worried over & prayed for constantly though she lived far away and traveled the world over. Next in line was me, Ryan via Johnna, the first boy to enter this whole girlie mess (Granddad finally had an ally and a namesake!). And though I only have my own perspective to draw from, Granny seemed pretty proud of me, (especially of my choice of Ashley and my little daughter, Ellie, both of whom she loved dearly), and she and I spent a ton of time together as I was the only one that lived only fifteen minutes away my entire childhood. And finally the family was quickly rounded off by surprisingly, another boy, Corey via Gail, a boy who would be Granny’s late-in-life roommate, shared countless hours with her playing cards, eating “feesh”, sharing, and arguing, but who I know Granny was so proud of and who’s singing she cherished deeply in her heart. In every way, Granny had a full family of kids and grandkids, even great grandkids, that she loved so much, each in different ways and for different reasons. It wasn’t easy to keep track of them all, but somehow she did it.

As Granny grew older and life changed all around her, it didn’t all become roses. In fact, in a couple of heart-wrenching ways it became much more difficult. On December 28th, 1993, Granddad, Dad, her husband, her Johnny left this world suddenly. It was a devastating blow for us all, but most deeply felt by Granny. For years, they had struggled and loved their way through the war that is life. They argued, they hugged, they nagged, and they cared for. Granny had taken care of Granddad for so long with his health problems, and she was so very disappointed that they didn’t quite make the fifty year anniversary mark. For the family, we obviously lost a loving, big-hearted father, a doting joyful grandfather, and a caring Great-Granddad. We would all miss his snoring in his chair, Granny’s grinding plea “John B. go to bed!” (my apologies to Corey who imitates that better than anyone), and his ever-open arms for hugging. But none of us missed him more than Granny. She had lost her partner, her lover, her friend, her husband. And for a time, she seemed a bit lost. It wasn’t easy to set on this side of eternity while John had gone on without her. But in her normal way, Dorotha found her feet. She rebounded and her life continued, though she mourned Granddad’s passing every year, to the day.

Granny’s health changed not long after his departure as well. She had the first of several strokes to plague her later years, but before you lose heart too much, this did not stop Dorotha Deene. In fact, Granny’s life continued fabulously. After finally retiring from cake decorating, Granny found a new passion – greeting cards. She made them for everyone and every occasion. She collected and purchased more stamps & supplies for making cards than any one woman should be allowed. And she spent countless hours making cards for everyone she could think of. She had an elaborate set-up and an ironclad memory of who to make cards for and when. But most of all, Granny had found a new way to show her love. At times in life, I think Granny struggled with showing her love for one reason or another. I mean, we all knew she loved us, but showing it wasn’t always her strongest suit. Yet, as she aged and Granddad passed, the loving, caring side of Granny began to blossom even further. These cards were in specific ways an extension of that new love. She put thought into each card, she put sweat into each card, and she put her whole heart in each card. If you were fortunate enough to receive one, you know what I am talking about, and you had better cherish it. Granny meant what she said in those cards, even if it was a joke or silly saying. Who knew? In some ways, Granny’s cards may be more cherished in my heart and others than even her cakes were enjoyed.

And while I’m speaking about Granny’s love, I would be remiss to mention this: Granny’s life wasn’t easy, no doubt about it, but she never stopped having time for people who had a rough go of it as well. She befriended people who had troubles from early on in her life. To hear her daughters speak about it, Granny was always reaching out to the bedraggled and beat down. And, she had real friends, too. Close friends, not just play around friends but confidants and life-sharers, some of whom simply knew her as Dot. Ruby, Esther, Carol Jane, Barb, so many I can’t mention them all. She even had a close friend that really became more than a friend, really an honorary daughter, an adopted child, Shelia Ray. She did everything with these friends, she relied on these friends, and I think they relied on her, too. Also, I can’t forget her “sons”. From John “Denny” to Rick to Steve G. to Steve B. and even Greg – Granny loved them all like her own. I only really know my dad, Steve G’s relationship with her, but from that bond I know Granny treated him as her own and he loved her the same. They all did. From friends to friends of daughters to adopted daughters to son-in-law’s, there were strong bonds present that Granny loved and appreciated; and, the objects of her affections loved her right back.

As we all aged and Granny aged, after Granddad went home and Gran’s health changed drastically, I began to notice some changes, changes that really lasted until her final weeks. Granny’s physical life became difficult, definitely not easy. It isn’t easy when your lungs and your heart betray you. It isn’t easy when your once fiercely independent spirit is dampened by the onslaught of time. But as always, Granny made a way of it. She did it with a lot more help this time around, but she carried on. And as I have said I observed her love became more outwardly expressive and evident these last years, I also noticed that her reliance on others became more evident as well. Nowhere was that open reliance more evident to me than her relationship with the Father Above. Granny consistently stated her love of God and her reliance on prayer, Christ’s compassion for her life. She said things frequently to me on the phone about how she was thankful God had given her more time. She mentioned that it was His Strength that brought her through many of these tough times. And she constantly relayed that she was praying for me. She thought of us all often, and I began to notice more and more that her thoughts turned to prayer. She was relying on her Father to take her burdens more and the burdens of her loved ones. I know because she did this for me.

As I went through a difficult time of anxiety & panic attacks, Granny called me. In fact, I talked to her several times during that period. She called me to check on me, just to see how I was doing. She was worried. She cared. She loved me. And her answer was not “tough it out” or “you’ll be fine, it will pass” – her answer was something new, “I’m praying for you Ryan. I know it’s hard. Turn to God. Rely on Jesus.” Those were her words on a hushed phone call one evening, not mine. And she followed it up with a simple gift of encouragement that I hold dear to this day. Every devotional I use has the same bookmark now with this simple scripture card that quotes Philippians 4:4-7: “Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Granny underlined “Do not be anxious for anything” and she signed the back “Love You!! Granny, 2007”. Granny had changed lately, and it was a change for the better. Despite all of the difficulties of her health and the mileage of painful years, Granny began to truly find her home in the Everlasting Arms of Jesus. She began to relax a little more in Him. Don’t get me wrong – she was still a firebrand of independence even in the hospital these last few weeks, but her heart had changed. I think she had a real face-to-face with the Grace of Christ and the Peace of His Presence.

So, today we say goodbye to Dorotha, Dot, Granny, Granny Great, Mom. Today we pay our respects and we express our love. And it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to let go, especially from someone we all want to hold so tightly to. But it is life − and that is the point. This IS LIFE. It isn’t easy. It stinks at points, it hurts often, it devastates you sometimes, and it grinds you under foot frequently. BUT it is also a life worth the living, really living. It’s worth it because of the love, the love that is shared in Christ’s Grace, in the embrace of a parent, the joy of a friend, the kiss of a spouse, and the group hug that is family. And, guess what? Though it wasn’t easy for Granny from cradle to grave, it was a life FULL of all of these things. ALL OF THESE THINGS. She had a great life, a long life, a GRAND life. And now her life has continued to an even better place. The morning of her passing, I had a wonderful vision in my mind of her spreading her arms in a field of purple flowers, taking a huge breath, a great breath that no longer hurt, that was full, and that was filled her with air that you and I could only dream. You see, Granny had a life…it wasn’t easy, but it was FULL of love. And she was thankful always to the Father of Life, just listen to this poem she wrote years ago:

THANKS GOD
Saying Thank You God
Seems so little to say
For all the things
We have today.

Our homes and cars
Trains and planes
All our new and modern things.

Thank You God
For the Peace you hold,
Without your love
Our world would fold.

Thank You God
For my husband dear.
And four lovely daughters
That I can hold near.

Thanks for the rain
The absence of pain,
The sun at day
And moon at night
Leaving the world so wonderfully bright.

Thank you God
For all my friends
And thank you for
Your love You send.

My small thanks will
Always ring
So I Thank You God
For everything.

I’ll miss you Granny, we all will…but thanks for letting me share in your life and for being a huge part of mine. Until we meet again, give Granddad hugs & kisses from us all.